Outside it is dark. The sky is clear. No clouds are there, just the light of a million stars are spending me some company. I am standing on the balcony, smoking a cigarette and while I am smoking I am listening to music that is coming out of my old, slightly broken radio. Nobody is home but me.
I am remembering the words my grandfather told me once – when I was a young boy – and now, few weeks after his sudden death I start to understand what he had told me. At that time I could not believe his words but now I know he said the truth although my mind still is telling that this cannot be. At the same moment I also know that knowledge is nothing when you have no faith in the facts you cannot change or explain at the beginning. And this evening I realized I believe. Yes, I believe in the sparkling souls of our beloved people.
I am standing on my balcony, looking up to the starlight that is so far away and yet so close – just like the memory of a summer love. You remember this love like it was yesterday but you know it was a long time ago. Now this love is far away but in your memory it still is very close; too close to forget the taste of her sweet kiss and yet too far away to feel it again in real. Do not listen to your mind when your heart is talking. You have to believe in the mighty knowledge of your feelings.
Here I am, finally realizing what my grandfather told me a long time ago when I was a young boy, barely old enough to gain such knowledge.
He told me: ‘Starlight is the magic light of love sending out some hope into our cruel world. You can feel its tenderness at every place around this planet. Wherever you are, whatever you do, it will fill your heart with love and light up the spark of hope.’
Finally I understand that this light will keep us together, under its grace we will become friends, we will fall in love and when we are down, feeling the blues it will comfort us and spend new hope. As it is doing so to me right now.
A light smile occurred on my face and the emptiness I felt some minutes ago faded out. How could I feel alone when I am surrounded by a million souls?
I am not alone as I never ever will feel alone again. Now I know that starlight is the eternal power of love, the power of endless faith in our hearts, given to us by the souls of our beloved ones.
(written in 1995, when I was 17 years old, few days after my grandfather (father-figure, teacher, best friend) died)